Funny Sex Postions Like Raging Bull
My favourite sex position is called "WOW" ...
It's where I flip your MOM over
A girl promises to teach her boyfriend what 69ing is.
He lies down on the floor and she squats down over his face to assume the position and farts. Embarrassed she stands up and apologises. She squats down for another go but farts again, she gets up and apologises again.
Before she can have a third go, her boyfriend gets up and goes to walk out saying yeah this isn't really for me, I'm not having 67 more of those in my face
The sex position formerly known as 69 is now called 96.
Due to the economy, the cost of eating out has gone up.
Sven and Ole joke (do your best Swedish accent when reading their lines)
Sven and Ole both lost their jobs when the clothing manufacturer they worked at closed. At the unemployment office, Sven was asked what position he held at the factory, he replied Ya, well I sew women's underpants. He was told to go to the next line to claim his unemployment check.
Ole was asked the same question, to which he replied Diesel fitter. He too was told to go to the next line to get his unemployment check.
After Sven and Ole collected their checks, they compared them outside. Ole's check was twice as much, which made Sven furious. He stormed back inside and asked to talk with a manager. He demanded to know why his check was half of what Ole's was. The manager told him, Well, you were a tailor, your friend Ole has a specialty in engine repair.
Sven's anger was boiling over. He loudly told them, WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I sew the underpants and put them in a pile, Ole holds them up and says Ya, diesel fitter. What has that got to do with engines?
I heard hookers are now offering the "Romney" for $1,000.
It includes every position.
What sexual position creates the ugliest kids?
I dunno, ask your mom.
What sex position makes an ugly baby?
Go ask your mom
Offensive NFL joke. Trigger Warning: Terrorism/World Trade Centre/Religious, anybody who is offended do not open this link
I'm really worried about Tim Tebow taking over the QB position. The last time anybody that religious had control of the Jets 9/11 happened
what sex position produces the ugliest babies?
ask your mother
A man goes to audition for an anchor position at a local tv station
A man goes to the television station auditioning for an anchor position.
He sits down in front of the camera and begins, soon it is obvious that he has a terrible stutter, and hisleft eye continuously winks.
The producer says, "Thank you for your audition, we'll let you know."
The man says, "W-w-wait a moment, I c-c-can fix this."
He opens his breifcase, and about 200 condoms fall out, he digs deeper and pulls out a bottle of aspitin.
He take a single aspirin, and then re-reads his copy perfectly, his wink having vanished.
The producer is dumbfounded, and he says, "Thanks fantastic, but what's with the condoms?"
The man says, "This is what they give you if you stutter and wink and ask for aspirin at the pharmacy.
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle...
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."
You can explore position vacancy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean position balloonist dad jokes. There are also position puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
68
A man urges his wife to try a new sex position - The . Curious, she asks about what romantic and exotic position her husband wants to try. "Well honey" he answers, "it's quite simple, you give me a blow job, and I owe you one"
A Winking Salesman!
A man with a winking problem applies for a position as a traveling salesman and goes in for an interview.
"Looking at your resume, I can see that you're more than qualified", says the interviewer. "Unfortunately, we can't have our sales reps constantly winking at customers, so we can't hire you", adds the interviewer.
"But wait", says the man. "If I take two aspirin, I stop winking".
"Then show me", replies the interviewer.
So the guy reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a pile of condoms in all different shapes, sizes, and colours before finally finding a packet of aspirin. He pops the pills and immediately stops winking.
"It's great. You stopped winking", says the interviewer, "but we can't have our salesmen womanizing all over the country".
"What do you mean?", asks the man. "I'm happily married".
"How do you explain all the condoms?" asks the interviewer.
"Oh, that", sighs the man. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"
Using what sexual position often causes a couple to have an ugly baby?
I don't know, ask your mom.
Lessons.
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said, "Now, boys, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face." "Yes, sir," the boys said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow in the back shouted, "Cause yer feet ain't empty."
Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
Ask your mother.
Why don't quantum physicists have sex?
When they find the position, they don't have the momentum. When they have the momentum, they can't find the position.
My new favorite sex position is called "wow".
It's where I turn your mom upside down.
I'm considering taking a position to translate old Mongolian poetry
The job has its prose and Khans
What sexual position makes the ugliest babies?
Ask your mom.
What's a prostitute's favorite position?
Whore-izontal.
Zing! This has been a productive day at work.
Literary position.
Years ago, my grandparents took me on a vacation to Disneyland. Grandma was excited for me when we boarded the plane, she exclaimed that I was lucky, because I got the Shakespeare seat.
"Why is it the Shakespeare seat Grandma?"
"You are in seat 2-B, so it's the Shakespeare seat."
"Don't be silly Grandma. All the seats on an airplane are Shakespeare seats."
"How do you figure that?"
"Well, it's either seat 2-B or not 2-B."
What sex position makes ugly babies?
Ask your parents
Which sex position produces the ugliest kids?
Ask your parents.
My favorite sex position is the JFK.
It's where I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.
I heard about this new sex position that I really want to try.
It's called:
With another person.
My favourite sex position is the JFK
I splatter all over her face and watch her struggle to get out of the car!
Two scientists walk into a bar.
"I'll have H2O," says the first.
"I'll have H2O, too," says the second.
The bartender gives them both water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of homonyms in coda position, as well as pragmatic context.
So I applied for a random volunteer job at my church
I really hope I get the missionary position
Monica Lewinsky was recently offered a new position at a prestigious boarding school.
Headmaster.
What sex position gives birth to the ugliest children?
Ask your parents.
A Koala walks into a bar...
So he sits down and after a while of chatting with the barkeep he starts to notice a girl eyeing him from across the bar. So he goes and talks to her and after some flirting they decide to go upstairs
So they go upstairs and get into the 69 position and when its all said and done the koala goes to leave, but the girl says "Hey, where's my money?" Appalled he says "What do you mean?" She replies by telling him to look up the definition of prostitute in the dictionary. He does so and it reads 'One who does sexual acts for money.' He then tells her to look up the definition of koala in the dictionary. She does this and it reads "small, tree dwelling marsupial that eats bush and leaves."
New Sex Position called Raging bull... [NSFW]
1st get your girl in doggy style and slide in real deep.
Now lean forward and wrap your arms around her real deep.
Now here's the bull part, bring your lips near her ear and whisper another girl's name and see how long you can stay on. Good luck.
I've finally worked out why Spain is so good at football.
Nobody expects the Spanish in position.
What sex position produces the ugliest baby?
I don't know, ask your parents.
I got fired from my last job for arranging the vegetables into sexual position
Apparently that's "misconduct" for a special needs teacher.
A black guys walks into a bank...
... says "I'm looking for a job!"
The bank manager says, "Well, you're in luck! We have a position opening tomorrow that pays $48,000 a year and has access to a free car!"
The black guy says "You're joking."
The bank manager says "Well, you started it!"
So I asked my friend, "I hear your husband applied for a position in the government"
Me:"What is he doing now?"
Friend: "Nothing"
Me: "But I thought he got the job!?"
Friend: "Yes he did."
Based on statistics
The most used sexual position among married couples is doggy style...
The husband sits and begs, while the wife rolls over and plays dead.
I asked my wife if she wanted to try a new sex position called the 68.
I asked if she wanted to try the 68.
Wife: What's a 68?
Well it's when you go down on me, and I'll owe you one.
What's the LGBT community's favorite sex position?
Sixty-*Nouns*
I went to get a prostate exam yesterday...
the doctor told me to get in the fetal position and relax.
"You, know", the doc said after about 30 seconds into the procedure, "it's shouldn't be embarrassing, and it's not uncommon for some men to get an erection during this procedure."
"I don't have an erection', I responded.
Doc responded, "Yeah, but I do."
A virgin goes to a brothel for his first time.
The woman takes him into a room and says, "We're going to try this position called 69. I think you'll like it."
He lies down on the bed. She gets on top and they start going at it. Everything is fine for the first few minutes, and then she lets out a huge fart, right in the guy's face. She apologizes and they get back to business.
A few minutes later, she rips another fart, bigger than the first one.
"Oh my god! I'm so sorry! Are you ok?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," he says. "I don't think I can take another 67 of those, though."
What does a pulley like the best about its position?
It's the center of a tension.
The Justice League has a vacancy and the number 7 is interviewing to fill a superhero position...
Batman: Thank you for coming, 7. Its been rough since the Flash took off and we're having a hard time finding someone to replace him. Let's get right to it. What is your first power?
Number 7: Well, for my whole life I've been in prime condition and I don't anticipate that changing anytime soon.
Bathman: That's great to hear. What do you consider your second power to be?
Number 7: 49
My favorite sex position is the WOW
That's when I flip your MOM over.
Stephen Hawking
If Stephen hawking started a company, What would his position in the company be?
The Chairman
Kevin Spacey is trying to get a new position in Vegas,...
Blackjack Dealer
Because they hit on anything under 17.
We already know Roy Moore's positions on crime and immigration. But, what about his position on children?
Missionary, mostly.
Apparently, there's a new sex position called, "delivery man"...
You stay in all day and no-one comes...
What sex position are you not allowed to use in the south?
Reverse cowgirl, you never turn your back on family.
A priest notices a little boy down the street
Trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy's position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring. Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"
To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"
"What's your favourite position?" asked my date.
I said, "It's the spider."
She said, "I don't know it."
"Well," I said, "it's when I stand in a corner of the room and you scream naughty things at me."
What sexual position creates the ugliest children?
Ask your parents.
My 12 year old daughter just asked why people find the number 69 so funny.
It's quite the position to be in.
My favourite sex position is called "WOW"...
Its when I flip your MOM.
My favorite sex position is called "the JFK"...
She screams and tries to crawl out of the back seat while I go splooey all over her dress.
Interviewer: Please explain this 4 year gap in your resume
Me: That was the time I was in Yale
Interviewer: Very impressive, we'd like to offer you the position
Me: Thanks, I really need this yob!
Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high ranking position in the US Government?
Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?
A Piece Of String Walks Into A Bar...
He quickly notices a sign that says, "No String Allowed, We do not serve pieces of String."
Before anyone notices, he rushes to the bathroom and hides in a stall.
He messes himself up, makes himself look rough and tattered. Then he contorts his body into a twisted and uncomfortable position.
He proceeds to the bar where he asks the barkeep for a drink.
Looking at the string suspiciously the barkeep asks,
"Hey... are you a piece of string??"
To which the string replies,
"No, I'm a frayed knot.".
(Shamelessly farming Karma on my cake day)
I just accepted a senior management position on the old MacDonald farm
I'm the CIEIO
How programmers and cats are alike?
They both can sit in the same position for long time and get excited when they find a bug
First day as a pilot
Tower: Can you give me your position?
Me: I'm next to a cloud that looks like a lion?
Tower: Can you be more specific?
Me: Simba
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were in their obstetrician's waiting room discussing their pregnancies.
The brunette said she was certain she was going to have a boy, because she was on top when she got pregnant!
The red head said she was certain she was going to have a girl because she was in the missionary position when she got pregnant!
All of a sudden the blonde burst into tears. Between sobs the brunette & red head finally got her to tell them why she became so upset. She told them she believes she's going to have puppies!!!!!
First day as a pilot. Control tower: Can you give me your position? Me: I am next to a cloud that looks like a lion. Control tower: Can you be more specific?
Me: Simba
My yoga instructor came to the yoga session drunk today
He put me in an awkward position
What's the difference between a Hoover vacuum cleaner and a Harley-David motorcycle?
The position of the dirtbag.
During a job interview....
... for a position with an international company that prided itself on workplace diversity, Tony was asked how he viewed gay relationships in the workplace.
Apparently, "In 4K resolution" wasn't the right answer.
I know someone that was offered a position with the Outside Peanut Corporation…
Come to find out it was a shell company…
I used to date my yoga instructor.
Put me in an awkward position at first, but we held on. I bent over backwards to make her happy but she found me uptight and inflexible. Guess it just didn't work out in the long stretch.
What position does Kool-aid Man play in baseball?
Relief Pitcher :^)
My girlfriend is a contortionist
Her favorite position is @9
Sex workers only get paid if they make a sale.
It's a commissionary position.
Source: https://jokojokes.com/position-jokes.html
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